weighty secrets | Secrets are things we give to others to keep for us.

After having gastric bypass surgery almost 4 months ago, I feel like I am slipping into anorexia. I find myself stepping on the scale EVERY time I go into the bathroom and beating the hell outa myself for every pound not lost. Food was such a comfort for me before my surgery and now that I have lost 60 pounds I find myself not wanting to eat at all. Food just seems so repulsive.  When I do eat I eat less than what I should (about 2 tbsps) and saying I'm done. What in the hell am I doing to myself?

fat sibs.

I’m approaching skinny, and you’d think that life would be feckin’ fantastic.  It’s not.

My 16 year old entered a beauty pageant.  It was last night.  She came in 2^nd place.  This kid is about 120 pounds soaking wet, has always been thin, and looks like a feckin’ model.  Then there’s my middle baby.  She’s 6, and she’s fat.  It’s not baby fat, it’s not chubby, it’s not pudgy – she’s 6 years old and weighs 80 pounds.  That’s fat.

She asked me yesterday if the fat girl in the beauty pageant won.  There was one girl who was so out of her weight class, I felt both sorry for her and proud of her for being there.  But she didn’t win.  And I had to tell my 6 year old that.  So she wanted to know what kind of girl won.  I told her blonde hair, blue eyes and very tall.  “Not that stuff, Mom. Was she fat?”  Of course not.  Nobody wants a fat beauty queen. 

It’s my fault this kid is fat, and now it’s my damn fault that she’s so super concerned about being fat.  When this kid looked at me a couple of weeks ago and said, “Mom, how come you didn’t want to be fat anymore?”, she just about ripped my heart out.  The guilt trip she laid on me for taking the body she related to away just about killed me.  And my solution to her concerns are to keep feeding her as healthy as I can, but then I feel so feckin’ badly about not letting her enjoy the kid things that I buy a half gallon of ice cream or a box of Tastykakes, and then I have guilt again all over feeding this kid crap.\u003c/font\>\u003c/p\>\n\n\u003cp\>\u003cfont size\u003d\"2\" face\u003d\"Arial\"\>\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial\"\> \u003c/span\>\u003c/font\>\u003c/p\>\n\n\u003cp\>\u003cfont size\u003d\"2\" face\u003d\"Arial\"\>\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial\"\>What the hell is wrong with me?\u003c/span\>\u003c/font\>\u003c/p\>\n\n\u003cp\>\u003cfont size\u003d\"2\" face\u003d\"Arial\"\>\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial\"\> \u003c/span\>\u003c/font\>\u003c/p\>\n\n\u003cp\>\u003cfont size\u003d\"2\" face\u003d\"Arial\"\>\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial\"\>Thanks for giving me a place to dump this shite \u003c/span\>\u003c/font\>\u003cfont size\u003d\"2\" face\u003d\"Wingdings\"\>\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Wingdings\"\>L\u003c/span\>\u003c/font\>\u003cfont size\u003d\"2\" face\u003d\"Arial\"\>\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial\"\>\u003c/span\>\u003c/font\>\u003c/p\>\n\n\u003cp\>\u003cfont size\u003d\"2\" face\u003d\"Arial\"\>\u003cspan style\u003d\"font-size:10.0pt;font-family:Arial\"\> \u003c/span\>\u003c/font\>\u003c/p\>\n\n\u003c/div\>\n\n\u003c/div\>\n\n\n",0] ); D(["ce"]);

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What the hell is wrong with me?

 Thanks for giving me a place to dump this shite

I swore to everyone that I wasn't going to change, I just wanted to bring back the old me that was buried under all this fat. Now that I have lost 100 lbs and am living a more healthier life I am disgusted with the habits of my friends. Before we had an unspoken agreement that we didn't do things that we were too fat to do like anything that involved too much walking or things we couldn't fit in , now that pisses me off. I am disgusted to go out to dinner with another couple and watch my husband and them shovel in an appetizer for each of them and then a huge meal plus drinks and sometimes dessert.
I have been made fun of as a fat person and now the fat people are making fun of me because I can't do the "great feats of eating" they can. I am also tired of hearing I can't walk through the whole store my foot hurts. NO Your too fat.
I just want to confront the bullshit excuses with -  GET SOME EXERCISE AND STOP PUTTING THAT FRIED DUMPLING IN YOUR MOUTH!!
Why do people that weight over 300lbs not want to hear that the medical problems they have are related to their weight?