What if Outkast was Right

You've heard it, right?

I know you'd like to think yo' s**t don't stank
But lean a little bit closer,
See that roses really smell like poo-poo
Roses really smell like poo-poo

What if they were right?  I wonder if it would make things any better for me?  It sure would make Valentine's Day look a lot different at the florist.

See, once I had gastric bypass surgery, the air and not-air that came from my body could bring a pachyderm to its knees.  No matter what I ate, if I cut the proverbial cheese or did my business, flies would die, wallpaper would peel, and family members would run for the hills.  I never saw that coming.  Nor had anyone told me that this would be a by-product of this surgery.

At the office, when I have to tend to task numero dos, I will emerge from the bathroom and see people 3 blocks away spraying Febreze, lighting candles as though there was a vigil, and pointing the hazmat crew towards my way.  The same goes for passing gas, cutting the cheese, breaking wind, or whatever you call it.  What's worse is that the smell can/will linger wherever it originated.  It even stays on my person and in my clothing.

It's so bad that I will attempt to hold the gas (as much as I can) in and then what ends up happening, besides the obvious pain down south, is I wake up and my bedroom smells like a landfill.  My poor, poor family...

I admit, I write this to make a very tense situation a little lighter.  However, it's gotten terribly embarrassing at work, in public, and at home, I am just sick and tired of it.  So much so that today, I broke down and started googling to try and figure out if there was something I could do about it.

It looks like the answer is going to be either Devrom or Nullo.  Other than that, I guess I could buy these?

Comments

[Becky]

Hello. I usually don't read blogs, much less reply to them, but I managed to find yours from Melting Mama. I too had WLS and I too have HORRIBLE gas. I am 3 years out and I was warned that (if) I had gas it would last a couple weeks and it would be surgery gas. So here I am, 3 years out and making rotten eggs smell like fresh flowers. My family can't be around me, the literally gag and walk away from me, even if we are having a conversation. It makes dating extra hard because I try my best to hold the gas in, but it never fails that the poor unsuspecting guy makes me laugh and it comes out. I have a lot of first dates. I've yet to find anything to help gas. Gas-X is a joke. I tried Devrom once I think, it didn't work either. I'm going to try Nullo I think now. I'm not desperate enough for diapers though! Not yet anyway.

[Michele Helms]

Oh my goodness...those underwear are hysterical!!!! I am almost 3 years post surgery and I had this problem so bad for a long time but for the most part I have nailed down what causes it for me. I can't have any carbonated drinks(yes I am aware I am not supposed to have them anyway:) ) I can't have any onions...raw or cooked, broccoli, and I have to go easy on the beans. If I choose to eat these things...I make sure that I do not have anyplace to go the next day!!!