weighty secrets - Apparently just a vent.

Today has been completely miserable. My son has been getting on my last nerve since the second he was awake. He is ADHD anyhow so daily he is in overdrive anyhow, but today as hyper and drive me nuts as he was, I think it was more my issue than his! I am losing my fucking mind. I have been impossible today! Even in my own head! My stress level is over the top. I swear if he hadn't gotten sent to bed when he did I was gonna snap!! I need to scream today, I need to cry, I want to eat everything insight! I think it might be carbs biting me in the ass! BUT OMG I FEEL LIKE I AM GONNA BLOW THE EFF UP!!!! My husband is working 10 hours a day 7 days a week, so guess whos dealin with junior all alone, me the unstable grizzly bear. And lets start on him while I'm pissin on life, we have been married for 8 years as of Jan. We quit having sex back in 2006! REALLY. I was too fat for him to be intamate with. I had surgery in May 09 And since November he hasn't kept his damn hands off me! I don't think he wanted to be with me that way any more, but OTHER men started paying me compliments so the old saying "Always want what your neighbor has" came into play. I am happy that I am having se again but depressed that I wasn't good enough for him for 3 years, and he kept making up lies as to why we weren't having sex....OMG I am just finding shit to bitch about at this point to keep my blood boiling...Like I need help! 

****DISCLAIMER**** I would NEVER hurt my son or husband, or myself for that matter. ***end of disclaimer***. Still that being said I sure feel homicidal today.
I hate myself for feeling and acting this way!! I hate that my son who has issues of his own has to try and navigate my emotional constipation these days, because I am the only one home for him. I have an 19 year old daughter but she has her own life. I raised her "alone" for 10 years. I had my parents but her and I did it for 1o years before I met and eventually married my hubby. When we decided to have our son, I made sure he knew that I wanted to have a hands on dad, I didn't want to bring a second child into this world with out help. He was in agreement so we had this wonderful little bundle of joy. Please don't misunderstand~ He is my heart and soul~ BUT DAYS LIKE TODAY!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH~!!!!!! I don't understand my brain, I don't understand my mood swings, I hate both right now! I need a way to control me and my son! Before I lose my effin mind!!! I will go cry now cause thats how I feel. Back in my youth this would've been a day to go smoke a "fatty" eat myself into a coma and then passed out! This isn't really a secret but needed to get it out! I have posted it a few places now ! Thanks for letting me get it out!

Comments

[Michelle]

Just want to say you are not alone. Parenthood is a thankless job. While the joys are insurmountable, the people who DON'T bitch about their kids are full of crap!

Let today be your bad day. Wallow and self indulge. Wake up tomorrow to a new day, a new start.

Again, you are NOT alone!