weighty secrets - This is going to be long, but I really feel like I have to "tell" someone about it.

This is going to be long, but I really feel like I have to "tell" someone about it. 

I am pretty sure that I have slowly developed an eating disorder. I am almost one year post-op, have about lost half of my weight and am in the normal weigt section at least if you look at my BMI, I still feel really fat all the time though and I can hardly make myself eat without having the urge to just spit everything out again or to go throw up. 

Eating also makes me feel sick physically and I feel bad for eating. 

When I step on the scale, which I do obsessively pretty much every time after I went to the bathroom or ate something, I am only satisfied if it shows me less than the time I stepped on it before. 

I know it sounds sick even when I am writing this right now and I am quite aware that it is not normal, but I am really hung up on actually telling someone about it because I really have a problem with asking for help even when I know I need it. 

So yeah that's it.

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[Kitty]

ME. TOO.