Pissed the f*#* off at my regain....
Yes, I've heard it before. We tend to be our worst enemy! Never understood it soo clearly until now. I mean why did I have wls in the first place, to be "healthy", I had a few health scares. Or was it because I was tired of being the "fat" one in the family. A family with plenty of health issues because of the excess weight. My blood pressure was out control, therefore my migraines were also. And if you add the mood swings, depression, anxiety and a low self steem I was the poster girl for wls. Although when I shared my decision with my better half and a few others they did no understand! I mean my highest weight was 247 lbs. But when you are barely 5 feet tall it certainly takes a toll on your body. I was soooo tired of complaining about my joint pain, about being just "one of the guys" at work because I was not small and dainty.
I have paid dearly about my decision, my health is worst NOW! Short term memory loss just to start. Which have meant I lost my independence, can't drive, can't go anywhere alone, can't make any decisions!!!
Now I'm addicted to xanax, valium and pain killers!!!!! And guess what my blood pressure has returned. Only now I'm a size 4, so when I do go to the doctor they do not take me seriously! How could I still have BP, why do I still need pain killers? I never understood why people committed suicide until now. Sometimes I think my family will be better off without me. I feel like a burden to my family. How can I provide for them when my unemployment benefit is $405 a week. No wonder I am homeless, my rent used to be $1,600 a month. Finding a suitable, affordable apt in NYC has been impossible. So I've turned to my old ways, soda, chocolate & fast food because they don't judge the failure I've become and numb my pain. I really want this to end, I can't cry over spilled milk. Dear hubby has told me 'I told you so" sooooo any times, I wish it stop hurting.
So yeah I was happier being "phat".........
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