You've heard it, right?
I know you'd like to think yo' s**t don't stank
But lean a little bit closer,
See that roses really smell like poo-poo
Roses really smell like poo-poo
What if they were right? I wonder if it would make things any better for me? It sure would make Valentine's Day look a lot different at the florist.
See, once I had gastric bypass surgery, the air and not-air that came from my body could bring a pachyderm to its knees. No matter what I ate, if I cut the proverbial cheese or did my business, flies would die, wallpaper would peel, and family members would run for the hills. I never saw that coming. Nor had anyone told me that this would be a by-product of this surgery.
At the office, when I have to tend to task numero dos, I will emerge from the bathroom and see people 3 blocks away spraying Febreze, lighting candles as though there was a vigil, and pointing the hazmat crew towards my way. The same goes for passing gas, cutting the cheese, breaking wind, or whatever you call it. What's worse is that the smell can/will linger wherever it originated. It even stays on my person and in my clothing.
It's so bad that I will attempt to hold the gas (as much as I can) in and then what ends up happening, besides the obvious pain down south, is I wake up and my bedroom smells like a landfill. My poor, poor family...
I admit, I write this to make a very tense situation a little lighter. However, it's gotten terribly embarrassing at work, in public, and at home, I am just sick and tired of it. So much so that today, I broke down and started googling to try and figure out if there was something I could do about it.
It looks like the answer is going to be either Devrom or Nullo. Other than that, I guess I could buy these?
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