weighty secrets | Secrets are things we give to others to keep for us.

weighty secrets - Divorce many years post WLS

I think this is my first entry to my own blog, weighty secrets.  

Clearly it's not a secret.  But I wanted to acknowledge something.

My husband and I have decided to divorce, and as of May 21, 2011, we are "separated."   (I am stuck temporarily, but we are "separate.")

I keep hearing, "Why aren't you angry?"  or "If I were you!"

The answer is:  I'm not.  Sure, I'm cranky, but that's mostly over the logistical nightmare that a divorce with four children creates, and the fact that I am a non-driving, "disabled," unemployed adult who really doesn't know HOW to get this done.  But, it's not anger at him, or at us.

There isn't any easy way to explain this, beyond how I tried to verbalize it to him.  I told him last night that it feels like he died.  It's like the person I thought I knew is gone, and someone else is in his place.   Does that make any sense?  

There are stages of grief that people follow after the realization of imminent divorce.   Most of us would probably understand shock, sadness or anger, right?   You might expect all at once!

He's been going to therapy, and says that they spend quite a bit of the session talking about me.  He says that his counselor suggests that I am already in the "acceptance" phase of this process.  It could be that although I did not plan for this moment -- I already somehow knew it was my reality.  I could have told you almost exactly one year ago that we would land HERE at some point, and that there wasn't any way out of the inevitable.  The only difference is, that one year ago, he wasn't ready to accept.

It is what it is.

 

weighty secrets - Fat hater BF

My boyfriend never knew me before. He only sees me as I am now. Sometimes he makes fun of fat women and I feel bad for them.

weighty secrets - confused

i'm (264 lbs) confused and afraid that i'm only with my boyfriend (of 4 years and we live together in my condo) because i don't want to be alone and want to have someone to help me through my surgery next month and so i can save money for future ps, etc., etc. 

I have been so preoccupied with myself, my weight, anxiety, etc., that we don't have a healthy relationship. plus , i have a zero sex drive (no really, i can't even think about other men). on the other hand, I sometimes think i make myself feel this way because i'm scared that i'll have to leave him because his habits of eating, drinking, smoking will get in my way after surgery. and i'm not letting anything GET IN MY WAY!!! I don't have any answers right now, except that even at my thinnest(155lbs.) i felt/was pretty "normal". 

"Normal" sounds like heaven right now.